Blogger Widgets Struggling Parents: To me;

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

To me;

The seventh step begins with the word “Humbly”. In the dictionary linked being humble with being humiliated which in turn pointed to being dishonored, disgraced, and shamed. Its synonyms includes “meekness,” “submissiveness,” and “lowliness.”. Humility draws only confusion to me, as one dictionary put it, “a feeling of inferiority and insignificance,” to feel inadequate and unworthy.

I didn’t want humility! Shame and feeling of inferiority haunted me not only in active alcoholism but even before, in childhood marked by various forms of abuse and neglect. I was a child who I felt I failed in every thing. I felt like a loner, hanging out with what everyone called “Nerds.” So step seven did not seem to be of any importance to recovery. Humility and being humble are mentioned a handful of times, page 164 in the “Big Book.” I later realized that humility~ as ~ humiliation was still clouding my thinking.

I was missing something, or rather something was missing. the “Twelve and Twelve,” the In whole emphasis of the Step is on humility. “A clear recognition of what and who we are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. It is “a healer of pain” and “the avenue to the true freedom of spirit,” which can bring us to a “great turning point in our lives.” There is no humble pie or groveling desire in any of this! A friend of mine mentioned how he had gotten his family back, job, and self-respect back; his health, wealth, and a cluster of good friends- all in which made him feel “humbled.” To me, it sounded more like gratitude…

Humility is not humiliation, although humiliation could bring us to it. It wasn’t gratitude, though humility could bring us gratitude.

To me, humility relates to power: it is the recognition and acceptance of the limits of my own power. I then began to understand that humility was indeed the foundation of all the Steps, and so could be a healer of the pain, a way to spiritual freedom, and a turning point in my life.

Each Step asks humility of us. It was grudging humility, but humility nevertheless, that led me to try and seek help for my alcoholism: still a turning point in my life.

The simple word “we” stands at the beginning to the “Steps,” reminds me that it is through God’s help and the help of others that I gain the strength to work towards the spiritual awakening that is the final goal of the “Twelve Steps.”
“I begin my journey’ “humility is the food that strengthen us on my way…

There’s a “wall,” or call it a “dry spell,” another words, that feeling that the spark was gone…

AA stories are beginning to bore me and I haven’t been to very many of them. I feel like that I am in the “AA desert” I once read in a AA Grapevine magazine. Or should I call it a “Dry spell?” I have never had a sponsor, but a friend through AA. I have always avoided people becoming close to me because maybe, I feel so different. I know you’ll say that others experience the same thing, and I am not the only one who is going through the same thing. I know others say that there are many people going through the same, simpler things recovery from this illness I have.

I have always wondered if “Alcoholism” is a terminal illness…

My other blog;
1. Across this bridge
2. Marketing myself
3. Struggling parents
4. When life become a book
5. Read Between the Lines
6. Internet Lifestyle
7. The Sleeping Turtle Art Gallery

Add to Technorati Favorites

Subscribe in "Struggling Parents

No comments: